On the Lighter Side
Trivia answers: 1.m 2.i 3.j 4.f
5.d 6.a 7.c 8.l 9.b 10. H
11. e 12.K 13. g
(Match the church member with his/her church.)
Dillerisms: Quotes from Phyllis Diller
(Contributed by Charlotte Knodel)
· My photographs do not do me justice. They look just like me.
· Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle. The most important instruction is: “Keep away from children.”
· I asked the waiter, “Is this milk fresh?” He answered, “Lady, three hours ago, it was grass.”
· The only reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you cannot see him laughing.
· You know you are old if they have discontinued your blood type.
(Word Scramble Riddle: Riverbank)
· Answering machine message: “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”
· My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
· Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
· Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
· The irony of life is that by the time you are old enough to know your way around, you are not going anywhere.
· God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer to her first question.
· I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
· Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
· The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: “ With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”
· Aspire to inspire before you expire.
The Founding Fathers
For some time the question of the religious faith of the Founding Fathers has generated a culture war in the United States. Pastors and Evangelicals have claimed not only that most of the Founders held orthodox beliefs but also that some were born again Christians. The Founders came from similar religious backgrounds. Most were Protestants such as Anglicanism (John Jay, George Washington, and Edward Rutledge.), Presbyterianism (Richard Stockton and John Witherspoon), Congregationalism (John Adams and Samuel Adams), Quakers, Lutherans, Dutch Reformed, as well as Roman Catholic (Charles Carroll, Daniel Carroll, and Thomas Fitzsimmons). A colonial church served not only religious but also social and political functions. The Founding Fathers referred to God with such expressions as “Providence”, “The Creator”, and ”Divine Goodness.” John Jay served as president of the American Bible Society. Patrick Henry, distributed religious tracts while riding circuit as a lawyer. Our nation owes much to the Judeo-Christian tradition, a movement of reason and equality that influenced the Founding Fathers to embrace their political ideas which were very remarkable for their time and for all time.
Francis Scott Key, who also wrote the "Star Spangled Banner", our nation's National Anthem, wrote the following hymn:
"Before you, Lord, we bow. Our God who reigns above and rules the world below, boundless in power and love. Our thanks we bring, in joy and praise, our hearts we raise, to you, our King.
Earth, hear your Maker's voice. Your great Redeemer own. Believe, obey, rejoice, and worship Him alone. Cast down your pride, your sin deplore, and bow before the Crucified."
Jesus’ Friends: The Rest of the Story
Peter was crucified upside down.
Matthew was nailed to the ground with short spears and then beheaded.
John was boiled in oil, but then sentenced to the mines on the Island of Patmos. Later he was freed and lived in what is now Turkey. He died of old age.
James was thrown 100 foot down from the pinnacle of the temple when he refused to deny Christ. He was the first Apostle to die a martyr’s death.
Bartholomew (Nathanael) was flayed to death with a whip.
Andrew was crucified on an X shaped cross in Greece.
Thomas was stabbed with a spear in India. Some reports say he was sawed in half.
Matthias was stoned and beheaded.
Paul was tortured and beheaded.
St. Jameswas beheaded by Herod in Palestine.
Philip was crucified.
Jude was crucified.
Luke was crucified.
Mark was burned alive and speared.
These men had every opportunity to deny Christ and live, but they knew His truth and that Christ had risen from the dead and was truly the Son of God. They were willing to face horrible deaths because of their faith in our Savior.
Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From Noah
10. The ark was built by an amateur. The Titanic was built by professionals.
11. No matter what the storm, when you are with God, there is always a rainbow waiting.